I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
