I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
