after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
