Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
