WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
