how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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