I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
