Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
