I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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