is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize