I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
