Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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