Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
