I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
