Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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