Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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