you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
