First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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