I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
