We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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