pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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