TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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