how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
