im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
