No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
