I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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