Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
