i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
