So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
