I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
