put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
