just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
