My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
