My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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