I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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