just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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