so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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