My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
