If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
