I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
