There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
