Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize