Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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