I think i peed on brittanys purse
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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