It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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