I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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