that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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