at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
