What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
