Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
