you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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