either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
