Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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