I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sorry my hands just texted you
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
