i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
