Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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