My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Too much gin, very little bucket
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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