Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
