if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
