Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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