I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize