he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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