We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
