3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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