I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
