If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
