after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
