i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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