Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
