there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
