So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
