Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
